“Toughen-Up” Is Not the Answer, by Paul Pettit

It’s time to bring to the surface the harmful social effects caused by the all-too-prevalent message that men need to toughen-up, do it alone, get over it or move on.

Real life human connection has profound benefits to our emotional stability, and in turn, our behavior.  This is because of something known as co-regulation.  

Co-regulation can be a confusing concept.  Wikipedia describes it as “the continuous unfolding of individual action that is susceptible to being continuously modified by the continuously changing actions of the partner”. No wonder this message is not being received! But it is really as simple as this: sharing time in real life with another human being improves emotional stability.

Studies have also shown for decades now that mindfulness is a keystone to achieving emotional stability.  Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you become keenly aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without judgment or analysis.  It establishes clear seeing, acceptance, and self-compassion. 

This is why we’ve established the Mindful Men community.


Our Mindful Men Community Offers A Space To Practice Mindfulness In Real Life Connection With Others

Mindful social interaction, or practicing mindfulness in real life presence of others, creates an environment where limbic resonance, empathy, compassion, and collectivism can be exchanged between individuals instantly, even without saying a word. Human connection, due to limbic resonance, employs a natural exchange of emotional energy between humans. Our bodies enable us to register one another’s emotional energy, and respond instantly – and without thought. 

In other words, words are not necessary to ‘feel’ the emotions of another human being. Neither written nor spoken words can replace body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, and eye contact – which are just a few of the external signs of human interaction.  There are also energetic interactions taking place within each person, which are experienced more internally.

This is why our Mindful Men offerings are so powerful.

Social Media Has Gotten Us Off Track

Social media has confused us into thinking we are connecting with others.  However, this type of connection does not generate the limbic resonance we desperately need for our well-being.

It’s time to return to what’s real. While social media is a means for connection, it has been strongly influenced and crafted for commercial use and society has been sucked into the stream.  This has taken a toll on our ability to maintain emotional regulation, which was previously maintained through co-regulation.

The societal shift from real life interaction to print, then to media, and then to social media platforms (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) has caused significant damage to the emotional stability of the individual over time. Again, simply put, people are not receiving and offering limbic resonance and co-regulation in their lives. They are operating solo, while using social media.


Is There A Happy Medium?

We believe there is, and this is why the Mindful Men’s group was formed.

We have created a space where you can learn to change unproductive habits into proactive practices that will create emotional stability – you will feel the benefits of peace, clarity and joy while learning and engaging in the practices.

Connection is an innate human need. It is how we survive. When we learn how to connect mindfully, we create a mutually beneficial relationship with like-minded Men.


Step Away from Social Media and Share Time with Mindful Men

I’ve been caught in the grind myself. Now that I know better, I do better. Through personal experiences I have come to truly understand the importance of creating experiences for co-regulation in my life. Thus, I choose to share personal space, and the energy of being human, with other men.

Overcoming the discomfort of vulnerability is a practice. I’ve had to learn to get comfortable with vulnerability. I’ve had to learn to accept who I am in each given moment, and it has offered me emotional freedom. I invite you to step out from the shadows and you will soon realize you are not alone.

Register Today For The Mindful Men Offering That Fits Your Needs

Engaging in our community can help you achieve the emotional well-being you need to make the changes in your life you desire.  It is a place where you can replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with those that bring a sense of meaning and peace to your life. The following offerings are available to you today!  

  • Weekly 25-minute Mindful Men Practice Session + weekly emails.  This offering is on-going and offered on a pay-what-you-can basis.  Sign up here.
  • Mindful Men 6-Week Deepening Series | April 1 – May 6, 2021
  • Personalized Retreat at 1 Tribe Farm | June 4 – 6, 2021


Paul is a certified Life Coach, certified Reflexologist, & certified Naturopathic Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki Therapist, specializing in mindfulness-based practices. He is also a published author of a self-help series of books, and Podcast host of Mindfulness Mondays, currently on iTunes and Spotify. You can find some of his meditations on the Heartswell YouTube Channel.

Paul offers 1-to-1 in-person services in Arlington, VA and Life Coaching services are offered virtually throughout the world. Individually tailored tools and techniques are shared to enable clients to develop a state of emotional awareness and behavior.

To learn more about Paul and schedule a consultation, click here.

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