What were you just thinking? Was it a positive or negative thought? Did it involve how you see yourself or your place in the world? Did you believe it?
We all have an internal dialogue. It might sound like your voice or like someone that plays a role in your life. It may be so loud it is all that can be heard. Or it may be a whisper that makes you question a decision or your worth.
Recently, I was working with a client in couples therapy. We were unraveling some of the emotions that surface when his wife isn’t affectionate. Life gets busy. She forgets to slow down. He yearns for affection, especially touch. He gets quiet and withdrawn. As we dug a little deeper into his emotions and thoughts, we unearthed a recurring thought, “I’m not good enough.”
Most of our discomfort in life, our strong emotions, our relational disconnection — and the pain surrounding it — can be tied back to a perception of ourselves. I call them “stories.” Common stories include, “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t ever get it right,” or “I’m not wanted.”
OUR BRAIN HAS A NEGATIVITY BIAS
It’s natural for us to have such thoughts. Our brain has a negativity bias. It scans for danger. In some cases, it keeps us from actual danger. However, in most cases, it tells a story that isn’t accurate. For example, it can tell us that we are not a priority, when in reality, our partner is feeling their own insecurities and anxieties about reaching out for us.
This belief that “I’m not good enough” and the accompanying feelings is a familiar place for this client. It’s a thought pattern he slips into often. We’ve processed the roots of it and helped him to become more familiar with the internal dialogue. Yet he still so often feels stuck in it. During one of our sessions I asked, “how are you working on that?” He said that he didn’t really know. “I’m not really into personal affirmations,” he shared.
I get it. If I’m honest, I’m not really into personal affirmations either. They just kind of skim the surface. When thought patterns are so conditioned and entrenched, affirmations just don’t get deep enough to foster lasting change.
Instead of citing personal affirmations for him to try, I opened up the Heartswell Journey Book for Inner Peace and found something different. We focused his energy on transforming the way he saw himself and everyone else by delving into Heartswell’s 10 Personal Resolves.
While it can be a bit difficult to define, the way I’ve come to define a personal resolve is…
a “vow or determination to focus both mentally and philosophically on a specific intention. A tool to refine the will and create harmony in the mind and body.” A personal resolve is a new, helpful, and empowering belief. But it’s more than a belief. It’s a vow with oneself. It is stated positively, and in the present tense, as if it’s already true.
Is there a way of thinking or perhaps a quality that you’d like to invite into your life that would support your highest goal and life direction? If not, see if you can allow one to come to you.
You may also borrow one of ours.
HEARTSWELL’S 10 PERSONAL RESOLVES
- I am a creator.
- I can always begin again.
- I have a trustworthy internal guide.
- I have unique qualities that benefit myself and others.
- I can own my potential to influence.
- I can be present to the unknown.
- I can let go of control.
- I can let go of attachment to outcomes.
- I have an abundance of compassion for myself and others.
- I can allow differences to be potential for growth and transformation.
Once you have it, formulate it into a statement. Say it positively and in the present tense, as if it’s already happening. Write it down somewhere. Perhaps you can begin to integrate it into meditation.
YOU CAN BEGIN TODAY
You can try it now by setting a timer for 5 minutes.
- Sit in an upright position.
- Take a big breath in and sigh it out.
- Allow your breath to flow for a few rounds.
- Begin to call to mind your resolve or let one come to you.
- Allow yourself to unlearn an old thinking pattern and replace it with a new one.
Notice what shifts.
Contact us to learn how you can begin to convert your internal dialogue from one of discouragement to one of peace and empowerment. You can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation on our contact page to learn which of Heartswell’s offerings are best suited to support you in your journey to emotional freedom.