What Is My “Authentic Self” And How Do I Find It?

By now we have all heard about living “authentically” finding our “true selves.” Relationship experts tell us the best way to find love is to “be yourself.” 

How many of you are wondering, “how do I find me?” “Who is my true self?” Or “isn’t my true self too sensitive, too needy, or too much?” Why would I embrace that? I need to be better. I need to be different.

It can sound like empty rhetoric. I struggle to put it into words that don’t sound cliché. At the same time, I have a deep place in my heart that wants you – yes, YOU – to know how inherently beautiful you are and how much the world needs you, exactly as you are. I want you to be full and whole and bring your true self to me and everyone. 

If you’ve asked yourself the question, “who am I?” chances are you are experiencing some pain, discomfort, or dissatisfaction in your life. You are not alone. We all encounter suffering. We all get stuck. We all struggle. Our struggles can and will get us down. They often lead to self-judgment or self-criticism. They can also be a chance for a new awakening. You can use them as opportunities to take a deeper dive into what really matters to YOU – what you value and how you want to use your time and energy. 

Remember, this might be different from what your partner wants or what you were raised to value. While those things might be good, too, we each have our own individual things that are near and dear to our hearts. Often in our struggle we hide or abandon parts of ourselves to please others or do what others expect us to do. 

Sometimes we lose trust in ourselves, too. We forget that regardless of our past, or our weaknesses, we also all have unique ways in which we contribute to the greater good. 

Exploring these unique characteristics helps us to know our “core essence.” Your core essence is not your story, your mistakes, or your flaws. It is, rather, the incredible collection of gifts and qualities that you share with the world. It is a conglomerate of the values, talents, and skills that are inherent in you. It’s the part of us that stays constant even when our circumstances change around us. 

When we live in alignment with our core essence we experience resonance and wholeness. We can also offer our greatest contribution to others from this place. 

Lack of awareness and failure to live in resonance with your core essence and creative nature is the primary cause of suffering. This suffering is a result of ways we have adapted to our environment to survive. As we restore what we’ve lost we can overcome depression, anxiety, addiction, and other unhealthy ways of living. We can live with courage, clarity, and peace.

The things that are naturally you may not always be obvious. But exploring and discovering aspects of your essence will teach you what it feels like when you are truly awakened, and truly YOU.

If you struggle to see your amazing gifts, you are not alone. Sometimes the limiting self narrative on repeat in our heads prevents us from breaking unhealthy patterns. But you can restore what you’ve surrendered. As you learn to undo unhelpful patterns, you can step further into an intentional and purposeful way of living. Instead of being reactive, you can be intentional. There isn’t one way to live purposefully and you have unique gifts and qualities to benefit you, your loved ones, and society. As you get to know these gifts and qualities more, you can invite them to be more active in your daily life. We can create relationships that support ourselves and others in living in alignment with deeper selves. 

The following prompts offer you an exploration into your core essence:

  • Describe your perfect day.
  • Describe a scenario where you feel 100% in your element.
  • When do you feel most energized?
  • When do you feel drained?
  • What do you hope others see in you?
  • What are your top three core values?
  • Call to mind a memory from childhood (or more recent) where you felt fully in your carefree, childlike self. Identify 5–6 words that describe what that was like.
  • What’s something you love that doesn’t have the capacity to love you back? (e.g. water, nature, food, art, etc.)
  • Identify three close friends or family members in whose presence you feel most able to be your authentic self. What are you like when you are with them?

As you explore these questions, begin writing down what comes to mind. As you begin to recognize key aspects and themes you might write your own “I am…” It’s something you can call to mind when needed.

As you become more deeply connected to your essence, you show up in relationships in a more honest and authentic way. When we trust our truth we also more easily allow others to live in their own essence and truth. Relationships become easier, richer, and eventually…magical. 

If you are struggling to find your true self, please get in touch. You can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation on our contact page to learn which of Heartswell’s offerings is best suited to support you. 

from the journal...

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